Marry a Lawyer and Get Screwed

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle,
I'm still a v1rgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how
great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it
was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back
to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out
diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order,
he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted
three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art
method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew
how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was
never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss
him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

The Irony of Having Dunderhead in Charge

Imagine all the organs of the body having a meeting to try and decide who amongst them should be in charge.


"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."


All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

Moral of the story?
The asshole is usually the one in charge.