The Irony of Having Dunderhead in Charge

Imagine all the organs of the body having a meeting to try and decide who amongst them should be in charge.


"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."


All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

Moral of the story?
The asshole is usually the one in charge.

Kenya’s Gender Insensitive ATM Instructions

So the new PREMIER bank customer ATM in Westlands is the place to be and belong for the budding Kenyan middle class. Well wait till you read the gender-tailored instructions.

The new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM
machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their
vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures
outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE Procedures have been
developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'

*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth.!!!!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card..
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with Pin written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

Sorry You’re Ugly: Top 10 Rejection Reasons

Men often baptize their true reasons for rejecting an emotional interest. But the truth is looks is at the root of almost all the rejections. Forget all the surrogate sweet nothing, what the man really mean is SORRY YOU DON’T MEASURE ON THE BEAUTY SCALE.

You doubt me? Well, sample these top 10 reasons and what they Really Mean


10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)


9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)


8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)


7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)


6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)


5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)


4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)


3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)


2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)


...and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)


1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)