The Glittering Noose Behind Every Wish

Many adages have been coined to warn us mortals of the perils of grandiose wishes. Well, as tempting as they may be all wishes come at a price which can be so steep they would eternally change your life for the worse. Hold your breathe and take a ride with me.

Maina is a modern middle class Kenya with a penchant for hunting. So one weekend Maina ventures into one of the the vast forests of Kenya's Rift Valley to pertake his hunting hobby. Five hours into the forest, Maina realizes he has lost his way in the thickets. Two more hours his loyal dog Simba is dead thanks to the increasingly biting and chilly weather.

Poor Maina is both hungry and thirsty and can now only manage to crawl at snail pace. He is certain in his mind that he has breathed his last breath when all of a sudden he sees an glittering object beckoning from the canopy of tall trees several yards ahead of him.

Instinctively and out of curiousity, Maina crawls to the object, pulls it out of the trees and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.

The genie is wearing a GoK's KRA ID badge and a dull grey dress. She has a calculator in her pocket-book and has pencil tucked behind one ear.

'Well, sweet Maina,' says the genie... 'You know how I work. You have three wishes.' 'I'm not falling for this,' said the Maina. 'I'm not going to trust an a revenue Officer coming as a genie.'

'What do you have to lose? You've got no way out, and it looks like you're as good as dead anyway!'

Self slavery
The tall and well-built Maina thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.
'OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink.'

Abracadabra, the Maina finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

'OK, handsome Maina, what's your second wish.'

'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'

Pronto! Maina man finds himself swimming in treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

'OK, Mr. Right Maina, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'

After thinking for a few minutes, the Maina says... 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'

Abracadabra, the good hunter Maina turned into a tampon.

Moral of the story:
Watch what you wish for for wishes are often enslaving. There is no free lunch and despite a sumptuous one, the price can be so steep and the damage irreversible. Behind every government service lurks a catch.

Remote Romantic Bliss

Romantic bliss is all rolled in tender caressing so they say. Well may be may be not. Sometimes touching can mistaked for what it is not. Sample this case study.

Joe and Joy have been married for ages and counting. After 20 years of marriage, this 'happy' couple was lying in bed one evening, when Joy felt Joe begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

Well, it almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

Joe then proceeded to place his hand on Joy's left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.

Romantic Joe continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch the TV.

As Joy had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'That was wonderful. Why did you stop?'

In a soft but removed voice Joe said, 'I found the remote'.

Message: as always assumptions remain the mother of all embarrassment and pain. If in doubt, please confirm and ask, don't assume it may cost you a heart.

Exotic Romantic Bliss Made Locally

Romance between couples often takes a turn for the worse due to reasons that are traceable to the partners themselves. As they adage goes romantic bliss is a product of reasoning with the heart and relegating your head to the shadows. But not all is lost, recreating flaming romance only needs a creative and relaxed mind to produce a gem that will both partners rediscover the common bond between them. No need for exotic getaways, steaming romance can be created right inside the walls of your family home. So what to do to transform those ordinary rituals and environment into EXTRA ORDINARY romantic paradise?

A creative mind is an asset to a responsible lover. Make everyday special and banish traditional Valentine, First-Date Anniversary et al to the emotional archives. Connecting with your heart and sweetheart need not wait for a holiday. Armed with the right emotional arsenal just about any day is a perfect excuse for sparking romance. Take advantage of the present-day technology and re-recreate your dating days by burning your favourite songs and packing it for your partner as a surprise gift delivered to his office. Capture all his/her emotional sub conscience with a photo of both of you gracing the computer as screen saver.

Finding a common sport is a perfect recipe to explore the marvels and beauty of healthy living. Look for a spot that allows both of you to do the same thing at the same time. Besides the shapes, working out will certainly help eradicate the unsightly wheezing drum as a bed mate. BEDMINTON should be the icing on the cake and must not be considered an end unto itself. Disabuse the stereotypical breakfast in bed and chose to dinning (not dinner) in bed and brush the worries about crumbs. While at it, never carry unnecessary baggage (books, remotes or magazines) to the bedroom. That is simply measuring to the room’s honoured and self-description.

Knowing your soul mate is a life-long process and must not be mistaken for an event. Hold no secrets and share your daily experiences and worries with your partner. You will never appreciate the romantic spark of witty jokes till you work on it and make it a pastime. And that calls for being a student of life who not only studies for exams. Complement all these with superlative hygiene and etiquette and your partner’s heart is yours to conquer.