Pulpit to Parliament: The Floodgates to Hell

It is all systems go as Kenyan men and women of the collar outdo each other in the mad rush into the murky waters of politics. The present scenario has proved a godsend opportunity in unmasking the plastic philanthropic posturing and religious tokenism from these pseudo shepherds.

It is one thing to have the luxury of spew opinionated sermons from the sanctity of the pulpit without any criticism. On the other hand, the political world is a different kettle of fish where the immunity offered by the pulpit is nothing but a rumour. A thick skin to stinging criticism is a must to stay a float in the political marsh.

The thin-veiled selfishness hidden under overt commercial considerations couldn't have provided rich fodder for potential political opponents. As the adage goes, the good deeds are interred with your exit from the pulpit and only your nasty side becomes your permanent shadow haunting every move you make.

Church must have known better the wisdom in perfecting the call of seek ye the economic kingdom first and the rest shall follow. After ripping their vulnerable congregations for years, it appears timely to invest in the only profession were serving selfish personal interest remains the roadmap to prosperity. It is harvest time for the enterprising prophets and prophetesses after cleverly tricking gullible Kenyans to sow faithfully for years.

Their blings and trademark garments would make the Arturs look like experts in Mutumab camera shoppers at Gikomba. The eloquent kings and queens of the pulpit can afford to shout themselves hoarse while permuting very few biblically catchy phrases. And before the hallucinated crowd shouts amen in unison, they find themselves religiously digging deeper in their pockets and purses for the last note (no coins please) to reward using the hot air with the speaker now foaming at the mouth.

It is now time to raise the stakes and the self-proclaimed servants of God, have a higher calling. Being neither foolish not geniuses, they expect nothing but unadulterated transfer of loyalty from the church to the political platform and into the voting booth.

Make no mistake, the Muirus, Wanjirus and Musyimis of these world are not naïve and they know grab the first opportunity when they see one beckoning miles away. Granted, they have all the constitutional right to seek any elective post in Kenya. But that said, they must be prepared to have their acts under the most powerful microscope once out there. There is no free lunch and theirs is a true baptism with fire.

To give credit where it is due, some of these collar men (no known woman) played a significant opposition role to Moi's dark era. Their courage and charisma is an asset to very few and stood tall. However, some of them can escape the scrutiny radar. Their consistency in being watchdogs has been left wanting since 2003, to say the least.

To feather their nests and make optimal political capital under the hallowed cover of the church, they have unwittingly pierced their moral balloons by supping with politicians. In accepting to serve two masters (church and politics) they have literally spread themselves too and the focus for the wide good lost in the process as evident in their occasional shameless pandering to the whims of the ruling elite. An example to demonstrate this is Rev. Musyimi and his role in the (anti)corruption steering committee. Call it what you may but his committee is a political appointment with nothing to show for it despite the obscene budget.

True, we need a break from the tired and tested political lot and if Mutava can breathe new lease of life into our leadership then why not. But the caveat remains his reasons for joining politics must be objective and above reproach. But Rev Mutava and his ilk are merely joining the ranks of other self-seekers with the belief in being rewarded for fighting injustice then the good people of God are playing Russian roulette with their morals and integrity that was painstakingly built over the years.

We maybe headed to either the political Canaan or abyss depending on what these political aspirants have up their sleeves. We only overlook the corrupt nature of our politics at our collective national peril. On an optimistic note we must start from somewhere and can only remain vigilant with our eyes wide open and ears firmly on the ground to see what change they bring to the political table. Kenyans may be just producing saviours or political mercenaries depending on what these aspirants’ political entry points are anchored on.

Conspiracy To Kill Your Mother and Sisters

Some traditions and stereotypes won’t just go away no matter our exposure and education. The race and struggle to have a son and belittle daughters is as old as any African tradition you can think of. Forget the status in society and even education or religious standing, every family stands on a quicksand with a boy to baptize their names as mama or baba so-and-so.

Make no mistake, it is not just the African man who considers himself incomplete without a son to call his own. Women go over the top and in some communities it is even and acceptable sin to ‘browse’ outside the family for the right man capable of siring a son if the wife doubts her husband’s genes.

I will stick my neck and play the devil's advocate on behalf of my dear sisters. They are simply being real and African by struggling to measure and satisfy communal pressures. As for my brothers, it boils down to ego trips given that most of them have nothing to bequeath their so called heirs besides poverty in abundance.

Nothing could be further from the truth. What makes you think that the collagemate who used to beat you hands down all over sudden becomes a dimwit once you 'trick' her into marriage. And by the way if marriage is the principal cause of divorce then men are the principal causes and sources of all the turmoil in this planet.

And there lies our problems as a people. We are often slaves to our village roots despite exposure in life, unfortunately. A child is a child is a child. And trust me on this: (African) men address their insecurity by claiming to be superior to their women to sooth their bloated egos in justifying the mad race and rush for sons while treating daughters as lesser mortals.

We are shameless pretenders who create the impression that all is good in our houses and even when we are hitting the floor of the emotional pit. Now this is acidic bothers and please don't lynch me for saying the truth. I am sure to stir the hornet's nest. Emotions change with time and as the epidemiologist and statistician will tell you its one variable that is heterogeneous. So to stick to your old flame and emotional beliefs which you have definitely outgrown is to get stuck in a time warp.

The remedy? Be creative and as a software update your emotions and invest in your love life. If all fails, why not divorce officially. Hold your horse with tirades and save me the obtuse pretence. Marriage the singular cause of divorce so once married, divorce graces the other side of the coin.

That is not western brainwashing. And by the way, don't we live like them shamelessly borrowing their 'civilized' traits and only selectively trashing them when it serves our bloated egos? This is not playing the devils advocates and my brothers must see marriage for the institution that it is and not a factory for kids who end up being the necessary devils cropping out as biological accidents from our acts of being athletic around the waist.

Invest in your love life and reap the accruing dividends or perish emotionally as you cling to the empty and elusive shell of yore. Marriage and love life must be treated as dynamics otherwise you only reap the barbs and bitterness that will only drive you prematurely into your grave. Our sisters deserve better and they remain the only spices in our otherwise dull lives.

Tolerance is the Answer, What was the Question?

Kenyans are probably the most politically conscious Africans. We are overtly political and spend a better part of our time when awake eating, drinking and even sleeping politics. Tribalism remains the hottest and most emotive of all our political talks and indulge into it with all the passion and vitriol depending on whom we are defending or vilifying.

Faint hearts would better not dare mention this smouldering topic leave alone risking the predictable bile and wasted emotions that overwhelm them from detractors wishing to differ with their point and opinions. But which is a lesser devil? Leave the virus go virulent or diagnose the malady and treat the cancer by clipping its potential mutations? Your guess is as good as mine, we must soil our hand to shame this primitive trait cast on us by selfish politicians and leaders.

An example is the ever green Kikuyu question which is a problem that is symbolically Kenyan. These guys constitute a nonignorable proportion (>20%) of our population. Their presence is felt (positively and otherwise) everywhere in all spheres of Kenyans' lives. And is the genesis of the wider problem.

At the risk of being branded insensitive, you will find more Kikuyus than any other bodies in any cosmopolitan morgue. These guys are every where and very hard working only that few take this attribute a step higher to the realms of 'hell for leather' - success at all costs. That is where they lose the plot with all the marks.

Unity in diversity is an overused catch phrase that is rarely understood. All are born equal and any claim of superiority only succeeds in isolating you from those whose shoulders you need to go both up and down. One would hate to imagine what the magnitude of tribal tension would be were Kenyatta to live longer?

The ever-smouldering Luo-Kikuyu divide remains a source of cheap stereotypes with some bordering on the absurd. Ask a Kikuyu bandying village bile at his Luo counterpart what is beef is and you can bet your last breathe that no honest nor factual reason will be advanced. Theirs is a generation smarting from the burden of inherited hatred courtesy of Jomo Kenyatta's political propaganda against Oginga Odinga. Why would a whole generation, majority of them born after Jomo died, inherit hatred propagated by politicians for expediency and packaged as unity call to protect our own?

If the Luos suffer from political herd mentality, then the Kuks suffer the same weaned on inherited tribal jingoism and hatred. The lake chaps have no moral grounds either to be herded like omena into one political sack. They must liberate themselves from those preying on their vulnerability.

Jaramogi was both a saint and devil (no stones please). He was objective enough to deny himself political seat for the wider good, Jomo's release. But he lost it by playing into old Jomo's hands to herd the Luos into a pack of rebels which they are still smarting from as the Kuks re-awakes Jomo's tribal spirits.

The truth is, you are naive to ignore the Luos and Kuks in Kenyan politics. But that said, these chaps must measure to civilized politics and stop practising the cheap brand of yore. You don't add any value to your persona by supping with the critic to your enemy, or do you?

We need each other and one more enemy is one too many. We must not mistake bravado, brinkmanship and fraud for entrepreneurship. Comparing them is not any different from the cheap types comparing Prof. Maathai's Nobel prize and Raila's hummer. It is comparison based on ignorance and the wrong premise.

The truism that him who is not travelled considers his mum the best cook couldn't be more apt in capturing the origins of our tribal posturing. Heightened tribalism can be latently traced to our education system. It is not an exaggeration to claim that some very bright Kenyans had problems adjusting to campus life after attending Ndethia primary and Ndethia secondary schools (due respect folks).

Being the village Stephen Hawkins may inadvertently go into your head while you remain oblivious of the fact that people from other cultures demand some decorum from your bravado. To such a guy, circumcision of the mind is a distant priority to chopping his foreskin. If only one would be a live to the fact that more than 75% of men the world over are not circumcised?

It is a global village and I must shed a tear for our Tz brothers and sisters. Like it hate it, Tanzanians have their strength in unity and lack of tribal tensions. It is both in bad faith and insensitive to pour scorn on your neighbour whom you have no luxury of choosing. By the way those chaps sense of 'upole' and mannerisms our capitalistic (read grabbing) endeavours resemble a mad rush among apes in the park unless to you trophy acquisition justifies the spilt blood.

Kenya remains just big enough for the accommodative many but also too small for the selfish few. We need each other and let us not fall prey to scoundrels who pass as politicians in tribal chiefs’ gabs. And we better act now for tomorrow might be too late. I rest my case.